I’m alive right now. Eventually I’ll die, and when I do, people will send a few txt messages and then move on.
I am not central to the shared space time continuum.
It was this realisation I had last night whilst walking home from rehearsal that got me thinking about purpose, value, anxiety, work, service, failure and happiness.
I’ve given too much of myself to too many people throughout my life. I’m exhausted. I’m resentful.
I need to find a way to quit that. To stop being everything to everyone and start being something to me. I have a right to exist as I am, and so do you.
Today I’m going to try and find a way to reclaim my name. Right now. Right here. As I sit on the platform waiting for the train into work.
My planet is not an oasis. The people around me are not angels. My house is not a castle. My body is not a temple. My knob is not a shrine. My heart is not a flower. I am merely a person.
My violin bow is not a weapon. My art works are not masterpieces. Each line of code I write is not changing the world. I am merely a person sharing time. I do things. Things happen. Mistakes happen.
My notions of Principle and Grandiosity are exactly that. Merely notions.
This is enough. This is what I have. I am grateful. I’m not trying to persuade you or impress you. I’m not trying to love you or be loved by you. I’m not trying to promote you or be promoted by you.
I am enough. I reclaim my name.